I had been struggling with some faith issues prior to his passing, but when he died I chose to ignore, rather than pursue my faith life. I didn't deny that God was there, but I could not rationalize the idea that the Creator who I loved had chosen to take my dad away from me. I still prayed, but never about the problems I was experiencing in my own life. I put my life on autopilot for the next several years, as I graduated from college, moved back home and began my career. I believed it was better not to care than to risk being hurt again. Fast forward until this March. I was struggling at work and afraid that the path I had chosen for myself years ago might not be the right path for me. Something had to change.
I did something I never thought that I would do. I joined a Catholic dating website. I never thought that this would help me to grow in my faith, but I had become one of the lukewarm Catholics that high school me would have scoffed at, attending mass every week, but not truly participating. Suddenly, I was being exposed to a group of young Catholics who had very strong relationships with God. I wanted that again.
As I perused the forums on the site, I came across the Theology of the Body. While I may have heard the phrase in college, I had never studied the topic. I found it fascinating. I had never realized before how much the Catholic Church respected women. We are valued in the Church not because we are "equal to men", but because we are inherently different. We see the world differently, and we bring our own strengths to the world.
At this point, I still had yet to do the obvious thing- pray to God about the emotional struggle I had been dealing with over the past few years. After a celebration of the Seder meal during the religious education class I was teaching, God answered my prayers before I was even ready to ask for help. As I came out to my car, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I knew that everything would be alright. At that moment I thanked God for the gift he had given me and asked Him to help me stay beside Him. I went to see one of my friends and told her I truly believed again.
I began reading Catholic blogs and books by Catholic authors. I am uncovering new things about my faith everyday. But I'm finally taking a leap of faith and diving in. I plan on using my blog to reflect on the amazing things God is teaching me about Him, His grace and salvation.
~Have a blessed day!
~Have a blessed day!